if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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