I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
