She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize