that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
