whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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