i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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