And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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