I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
