I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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