omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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