when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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