That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
