There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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