i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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