We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
