it was like eating out sand paper
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
