It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you win again, gameday.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
