onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
