well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
