Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
