where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
