Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
