i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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