it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
porn star boner night. come get it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
