i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
