Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need a beard to bite.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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