She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
