matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize