by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
