Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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