a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
