Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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