I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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