So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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