He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
