whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
