YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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