I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
