My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
