I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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