You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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