True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
