youre lurking in front of me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
