so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize