My Higher Power is John Stamos
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
