THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
