yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
