I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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