my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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