You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
