I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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