Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
