Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
