i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my sisters under your porch take her home
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
