Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
