Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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