her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
