Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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