I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
