she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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