Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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