also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
